


what heaven should actually feel like.

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: Saiyuki (Anime & Manga), Saiyuki Gaiden
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27128710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: A ficlet of Kenren looking for a lighter.
Relationships: Kenren Taishou/Tenpou Gensui, Konzen Douji/Tenpou Gensui
Kudos: 3





	what heaven should actually feel like.

**Disclaimer: Saiyuki Gaiden is by Minekura Kazuya-sensei.  
  
**  
“Where could he have gone?”   
  
Running my fingers through my hair, I sigh and knock on the door again. Partly, I’m afraid to open the door in case there’s a column about to fall at the slightest tremble. It’s happened many, _many_ times before.  
But when I open the door, the wind blows through and some books fall, but not very many. He hasn’t made the stacks tall enough yet. It’s only been three days since we’ve cleaned this office.  
  
Damn, I really needed to ask him for a lighter.  
  
Scanning around, I see something sparkling under one of the displaced books. It isn’t a lighter, but the rim of his new glasses. Placing it on the middle of the book that I assumed was the closest to his reading spot, I leave with the door closing behind me.   
I walk through the halls with my hands in my pockets, the smooth stone floors echoing my steps. The uneasiness makes me puke along with all the gilded furnishings glittering around. So I make my way to one of the places where he’d be as fast I can, navigating through the elaborate maze.  
  
But I’m sure he’s there and not the other place. Why would I know that? As meticulous as that guy is, he has a certain habit, but I’ll never tell him…  
  
Under the tree furthest down the lane, I spot him with at least a stack of three books. Cheeky, bringing those things out into the light, but then again, that’s why we get along. If he says I’m fun, I’d say he’s a party all by himself.  
  
I should be going up to him because I’m dying for a smoke, but I’m leaning on one of the sakura trees with my arms folded, watching him as I always do. And he’ll glance up once in a while towards his friend’s direction, the only time he’ll really come out of his self-imposed trance.  
  
They all stay in their fabulous prisons. I guess it’s the same everywhere, just like where I was transferred from. They don’t go out to see these ravishing pink petals and leaves because they’re always here. Too insignificant in their eyes to give a proper look-over.   
Valuing nothing.  
  
What a waste of your beauty on them. They don’t even know how to care for you.  
  
Everywhere though, it seems I’m always restless.  
There he is reading his books, engrossed in his own world. I can only touch it when I clean his office, smoke or gripe. Otherwise, I have absolutely no idea what he’s thinking. I only go by instinct, somehow knowing one thing or other what he’s feeling, that visceral response of being straight in a crooked road. Because for sure, that’s where all this is headed, right? With the silent gunpowder floating in the air, a spark of directionless words will make it all explode someday, won’t it?  
  
I push myself from the tree and stride towards him.  
Usually, I charge onward, but when it comes to you, I have to actually stop myself. That’s why I make excuses to see you. If I’d known there were more alluring, eye-catching prizes here, I should have forced them to transfer me way earlier.   
  
Those pompous bastards…they don’t see the diamond under all the grime, don’t they?   
  
Standing before him, I smirk. “Oi. Do you have a lighter?”   
No response. He’s completely closed himself off.  
  
But when I squat to look into his face, he’s smiling behind all that hair falling. Totally absorbed not in the past or the future, but in the now. Thinking, editing, and positioning himself from this very moment.   
  
Even through the resentments, their open lies, and the strangling air permeating into every corner of the premises, his face is one that sparks envy: Curiosity. To have something to be interested in for its pure enjoyment alone. To learn to enrich his own mind.  
  
He isn’t bored at all. He’s found a sliver of happiness within the depravity.  
  
It takes a few minutes of admiration on my part until I realize he’s put his book down to stare at me. Smiling and without a word, he takes the newly lit cigarette from his mouth and puts it into mine. I sit down right there and end up licking the filter in my mouth.  
Without any warning, he places his head onto my lap. “Wake me up when you’re done with that.”  
“Then I’ll take one more,” I say as I reach into his pocket for another cigarette.   
  
Make no mistake, he may be dangerous, but I’ll take this sharp blade into battle anytime over all their dull ones.   
  
I guess that’s why I can’t stay away for too long. I’m addicted to the rush he gives me in all the little things he does. What they call unruly, I find charming.   
His naked ankles with those wooden sandals when I walk behind him. The shirt and coat that are just enough to see the contours of his body when the light shines from a certain angle in his office as soon as I enter.  
That sideways glance with a tinge of evil on his lips when he’s being mischievous.  
  
Contrary to what this whole place is called…  
I look down into his sleeping face, temporarily suspended of all its guises.  
  
… _this_ must be the closest to what heaven should actually feel like, I think.  
  
  
A few days later, I come over, but the room is empty once more. Columns of books are on the verge of tipping over. The frog ashtray’s filled to the brim and some of the ashes float with the wind sweeping them down to the ground. A certain bandanna is acting as his bookmarker for today.  
  
My eyes squint just a bit.   
  
“Ah, so he’s gone to visit his friend today.”  
  
 **Owari. / The End.**

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to something in passing. Then an image came to mind about Tenpou (my undying love for Hakkai…), but all I could think of was Kenren. How strange. Nonetheless, the words poured forth. Please don’t ask where from because I wouldn’t know.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this one!
> 
> Love,  
> Yui


End file.
